UFC Freedom 250 was an embarrassing spectacle of misplaced patriotism

UFC Freedom 250 was a breathtaking event, in the same way that a fart in an elevator leaves you gasping for air when the doors open. What was billed as a celebration of America was instead a marketplace for commodity patriotism, brandished with the same nuance as a gas station trucker hat that reads “THESE COLORS DON’T RUN.”

There have been dozens of think pieces about how hosting a UFC card on the White House lawn draws us closer to Idiocracy, and how the event was engineered political propaganda — and while it might have been all of these things, it was also just the biggest cringe-worthy nugget of cornball shit ever produced. Rather than celebrating the United States, UFC Freedom 250 celebrated selling the United States, or more aptly, a twisted Kid Rock vision of the patriotism designed to throw so many stars and stripes at your face that you ignore how crappy the event was as a whole.

When we purely look at UFC Freedom 250 as an MMA card, it sucked. The fights were largely ass and lacked the nuance the sport is known for at its best. The only bout worthy of even moderate praise was Ilia Topuria vs Justin Gaethje, which was delayed and didn’t finish until almost 1 a.m. ET. It ended when Topuria’s corner threw in the towel, proving that even the best fight the night offered didn’t deliver in the end.

The event, which lasted almost five hours, had a total of 56 minutes and 23 seconds of in-ring action, with the rest being a meandering mess of star-spangled vomit. There was no earnest love for America on display, but tacky window dressing. UFC ring girls dressed to look like World War 2 pinups, Tyson Fury walking out in a “DONALD TRUMP FOR PRIME MINISTER” hat, taking shots at the U.K. government and bending the knee, and slight of hand, bordering on stolen valor, as the UFC had each fighter accompanied by a Medal of Honor recipient, which made it appear as though servicemembers were saluting fighters as they approached the ring.

All this before we talk about Josh Hokit’s disgusting post-fight interview in which he asserted “Michelle Obama is a man,” in a statement the UFC rushed to scrub from social media and has since been decried by Dana White. Having Hokit anywhere near an event supposed to “class up” the UFC was really the leopards-eating-face moment of the night.

Despite all this, some genuinely awe-inspiring moments came out of this event, the same way a single flower blooms out of cow dung. Having the United States Marine Band play classical renditions of entrance music was truly iconic. Instead of blaring music through blown-out speakers, we had beautifully performed entrances that were easily the most entertaining part of the night, with unbelievable vocals transforming known-hits into something new.

It’s just a shame that’s where it all ended. Fighters climbed in the cage on the White House lawn, walked their dirty feet over an American flag-clad Monster Energy can, and waited for UFC announcers to finish their “Visit Riyadh” bumper before touching gloves. Nothing spells American exceptionalism like an MMA fight at the White House while telling us we should all vacation in sunny Saudi Arabia. What about bike jumps, do y’all like bike jumps?

All in all, UFC Freedom 250 answered the question: Is nothing sacred? Nope, it’s not. Not when it comes to the United States of America, not anymore. The flag, the anthem, service members — they’re all props. Tools to be used as window dressing to hype an event run by TKO Group Holdings, a company the Trump Organization purchased shares of in March, just in time to cash in. What a time to be alive.