The "Girly Guys" Are Leaving Performative Masculinity in 2025

It was the Mary Jane that did it for Estevan Reyes Peña. He loved the silhouette of the black leather Doc Martens shoes, the way they fit his feet, how they had a "kinda dainty" look. He still loves them, several years later, even as his personal style has continued to evolve from skater-punk to the alt-femme but also uncategorizable other thing it is now - enough so that he's actually wearing a pair when we get on the phone. "This is a shoe that is viewed as very feminine, but it's so sick and hardcore," he tells Popsugar. He remembers the first time he tried on the shoe; it was a "huge click" for him, not just in terms of realizing what kind of wardrobe he wanted to build, but what kind of ethos he wanted to cultivate in all realms of his life. That shoe was the start of Reyes Peña's gender-affirming fashion journey, which has since migrated to his Instagram, @tevistuff. There, he documents the "feminine-inspired outfits" he wears to his corporate tech job outside Salt Lake City, among other places. Reyes Peña's goatee and boxier frame make him appear pretty masculine, until he gets dressed. Though his following is relatively small, some of his videos - like one demonstrating how he styles a flowy, earth-toned skirt that grazes his mid-calf - have racked up tens of thousands of views and a potentially surprising number of supportive comments. But maybe not so surprising after all? "There's a huge reclaiming of what it means to be 'girly.'" Reyes Peña is a small part of a much larger trend, in which traditionally masc-presenting men (especially those who date women and femmes) are embodying a more feminine style - across clothing, yes, but also overall lifestyle and personality. Five years after Harry Styles wore a dress in Vogue, we're entering the next evolution of soft-boi, where descriptors like "effeminate" no longer carry the same radioactive burn for the most crushable celebrity dudes of the day. And while there haven't been nearly as many straight men in skirts and dresses as there were in the early 2020s, celebrity men are still embracing feminization, even if it's subtler. Men like Bad Bunny, Timothée Chalamet, Nic Vansteenberghe, and Pedro Pascal all bring a gentler, more gender-fluid energy to the red carpet, prompting some TikTokers to categorize them as "boys who wish they were hot girls." Others on TikTok have declared "gay allegations" the greenest flag a straight man can attain (a far cry from the queerbaiting accusations lobbed at celebrities like Harry Styles just a few years ago). "Your boyfriend should have allegations of being gay, that's how you know it's a keeper," creator Evan Lazarus said back in August. "He should have little hobbies that don't make sense, and dress in a way that upsets his parents but brings joy to you." Reyes Peña knows that video well. "My partner will send those TikToks to me," he laughed. Whether it's his dangly earrings, his set of chunky rings, or his overall warm and inviting demeanor, he says he doesn't usually "give off 'straight.'" (His partner is a woman, though Reyes Peña identifies as pansexual.) Whereas "gay" and "girly" were once considered the worst insults a man could endure, the truth for a lot of men today who have grown up under the influence of feminist and gender-expansive activism is that those are no longer "allegations"; they're affirmations, of something honest about themselves that they once felt they had to bury. For Reyes Peña, who shares a closet with his partner and regularly borrows somewhere like 85 percent of her clothes, "girly" is not a dirty word. It's a compliment. "There's a huge reclaiming of what it means to be 'girly' and I hope it continues this way," he says. The Great Softening (trademark pending) has resonated with straight women, whose thirst for softies appears to be deepening. While gender fluidity has always been a turn-on for bisexual and queer women, straight women are also pining after girly guys: Jonathan Bailey was crowned People's first openly gay Sexiest Man Alive this year, while Jacob Elordi - a certified vulnerable king with an impenetrable jawline - is drumming up awards buzz and a buzzing of a different sort altogether. (Vibrators, obviously.) And women of all sexualities have been especially feral for depictions of tender masculinity in film and television, like the sweetly horny hockey players on "Heated Rivalry," which debuted this year to great (critical and clitoral) acclaim. But this is all happening against a political backdrop that would have you believe the reimagining of masculinity is one of the greatest threats to our nation. The red-blooded "manosphere" is getting louder everyday - one that believes women shouldn't vote, trans and gender-nonconforming folks are subhuman, and that "real" masculinity is measured in cruelty. The irony is that while far-right politicians, YouTubers, podcasters, and streamers anchor their message on the purported value of traditional gender roles, more and more men like Reyes Peña are taking advantage of the freedom carved out for them by the mostly women activists who came before. Men didn't just wake up one day and decide to start embracing their femininity, Reyes Peña says. "Women, and especially POC women," are the reason men feel more comfortable experimenting with how they present. Their impact on culture at large, not just fashion, is felt every time someone like Reyes Peña gets dressed in the morning. "I hope that's understood," he says. Where a performative male appropriates femininity and softness for cultural and sexual currency, the girly guy finds a missing part of himself in his embrace of the feminine. Another creator who vlogs about his feminine-inspired outfits is Vitor Arruda, whose page is full of pep talks for other plus-size men who are curious about fashion but who feel anxiety when getting dressed. He talks about how dressing from "the female gaze" - not trying to attract female attention, but applying a feminine sensibility to the process of getting dressed - has helped him develop a personal style that's more in harmony with his natural figure, more interesting to look at, and more comfortable. While dressing from the male gaze produces outfits that are "flat," he said in a recent video, dressing from the female gaze means experimenting with different silhouettes, textures, and shapes to create something that feels more personal, more crafted. The internet might be tempted to write someone like Arruda or Reyes Peña off as a performative male. (And Reyes Peña's trusty tote bag - which he insists he's been using since at least 2018, long before the trend kicked off - isn't helping his case. Just give him a matcha latte and a book he isn't actually reading and he's practically a walking meme.) But where a performative male appropriates femininity and softness for cultural and sexual currency, the girly guy finds a missing part of himself in his embrace of the feminine. Yes, more women than ever are vocal about their desire for girlier, more fluid men. But Reyes Peña isn't dressing this way because it's sexy, or to compete against other men for female attention. He, like other girly guys, is trying to excavate an authentic piece of his identity that was once inaccessible. "I want to dress how I feel," Reyes Peña says. "And I don't feel very masculine. So I'm dressing for myself." Related: Tired of Tradwives? Get a Boyfriend Chef Emma Glassman-Hughes (she/her) is the associate editor at PS Balance. In her seven years as a reporter, her beats have spanned the lifestyle spectrum; she's covered arts and culture for The Boston Globe, sex and relationships for Cosmopolitan, and food, climate, and farming for Ambrook Research.